


If you can't hang.

by SlothOtter



Category: GOT7, JJ Project
Genre: Drug Use, Homophobia, M/M, Written at the dead of the night, not edited
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-04
Updated: 2016-12-04
Packaged: 2018-09-06 08:26:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,051
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8742328
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SlothOtter/pseuds/SlothOtter
Summary: Please be mine.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Based off of 'if you can't hang'- sleeping with sirens. Added to it 'drug dealer'- Macklemore
> 
>  
> 
> I am sorry. I wrote this at 2 am. Didn't even read through it cause i am dead tired.  
> I was listening to sleeping with sirens and macklemore so i just went "why not write something about it"  
> Even if i plan on developing 'drug dealer' into a full fanfiction one day.  
> Please enjoy.

People said that being eighteen was the prime of living.  
You get to meet and experience new people, fall in love and test out relationships.  
Lose and discover things about life.  
Eigtheen was the time where a human start actually living.  
Sadly that was what Im Jaebum though and believed in. To feel alive and fresh and all the mix of existence that year but he only got to live in despair.  
At Eighteen, Im Jaebum experienced his First love and his first heartbreak.  
And it wasn't an easy thing to handle.

Sure the Jaebum now would never take back that time. He was a man that believed that everything happens for a reason and that what happened in the past makes him who he is now.

Yeah, this is the new jaebum.

But first, He wasn't quite like this.

Park jinyoung. A blessing and a curse.

Met at eighteen, typically in the school library. It was love at first sight for the eldest.  
He thought he meant the world to him, so he gave him everything. Everything for the sake of his stupid love.

Came out of the closet to be disowned by his parents. Bullied for being abnormal.  
Scarred for life.  
But he had Jinyoung, hadn't he?

Well....he turned out to be a cheat.  
After nearly one year of dating he said he's been thinking about them for a long time but he met somebody new.

He knew it. He thought of it at first but he never thought he would hear a "that's okay" from the mouth of his beloved.  
To be dumped again by his last reason to live for a.... girl.

After all this time. Nothing has meant to him? Well he hoped she takes his filthy heart and inflict him the same pain as he did to him, to throw him away someday ripped naked of everything.

Jinyoung just said " it's okay." Well then "if you can't hang then, there's the door, baby"  
It was the last time he saw his pretty face.  
The last time he wasted his time.  
The last time he wasted his own time.

"You're the lowest" he spat at him during their last fight. "You're the lowest" he cried, burning every memory he had of him.

At that time he regreted chaning his clothes, his hair, his face just to watch him go a separate way.

At nights he whispered sadly that their grewed apart for quite some time but then the girl he met was worth all of his time.

How could he?

"Get the fuck out!" He screamed he yelled.  
"Why?!" He cried he pleaded in the dark.  
How did he turn into such a mess.

"If you can't hang then, there's the door, baby"  
He repeated countless times on the lonely leather chair.  
"He had no use of me anymore" he whispered  
"I lost my home, my love" he cried.  
"I have nowhere to go"

At nineteen he already downed in multiple prescribed drugs. To deal with the aching scars deep down in his heart.

 

Fixing himself up alone was a hard thing to do, with the help of the doctor trying to kill him for a dollar. Becoming friends with his ennemies and adapting to it.  
Face turning gray, nose draining blood in the bathtub.  
His doctor promised him to heal him. He only gave him more problems

Hitting an all time low, succumbing to his budget. Morphine and heroin.

He never thought he would come this way but sure, fuck it. Being gay wasn't enough so he had to suffer from his heart being torn away.

At 21 he gave up, exhausted, tired, regretful.  
This isn't what he started.  
This isn't what he dreamt to be.  
To be a walking carcass, empty, lost everything he wanted.

Never leaving the apartment, dropping out, becoming best friends with what's killing him, ennemies with his best friend, no way to heal him.

At 22 he was sent to the hospital, got his innards washed clean. But his soul was till rotten.

He got back on his feet. Found a book it could help him.Wise to know the difference.  
Tired from the exhaustion itself.  
Clean for nearly a year and already starting a new. Slowly, slowly. Surely he will get back to his feet. To his feet.

He met him again at twenty-three.  
Like last time in the library.  
Not far away from his own state.  
Gone through the same process.  
He was already forgiven. More like lost the spark of the emotion.  
Being a homosexual wasn't easy, still isn't easy.  
When you force your eighteen year old boy to break down the love of his life for your reputation.  
To get engaged to someone he never saw his future with.  
To feel the hate and rage from the person he dreamt conquering the world with.

Sure eighteen years old boys won't know it. But they do sure know free will.  
And when learning that their free will is ripped away from them.  
They're just a shark having his fin cut and thrown in the ocean to drown in his place where he belonged. 

They met again.  
Feelings gone for his teenage love.  
But this twenty-three years old one.  
Holding the book that got him to his feet.  
After refusing for such a long time.

He knew he still meant the world to him.  
So he gave him everything. Everything he won't fear losing. Because he had nothing but a broken shattered heart to give.

 

He did the same for him.  
It was the first time he saw his pretty face.  
It was the first time to be called 'you're a pretty face'.

They fixed the broken pieces of their hearts bit by bit. Lightly, Lightly.

Sharing the fragments that fit inside of them.  
Creating news ones to fill in the blanks of the far too destroyed ones.

"I don't want to take your precious time" he whispered to him under the sheets of the night.  
"You're the best waste of my time" he heard before slipping for the first time in years in peaceful slumber.

"Would you please stay and come inside,baby" small voice uncertain, scared, fearful.  
"Would you please stay and be mine?" Asking for permission, consent. To be accept again in his heart.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!  
> Please leave a comment about it!


End file.
